(no subject)

do any of you honestly beleive in fate? and that if your meant to be with someone, you will? Please tell me your honest opinions and experiences with it. Because my boyfriend is caught between me and another girl, he loves both of us and can't seem to make his descion. H ewas dating both of us for quite some time and since we're both long distance with him, we never found out about the other. Anyways, I'm so afraid of loosing him. I know what him and I have is special, but he feels just as much for her as he does for me.

I just need some tips on how to get myself through this. I'm trying to tell myself that if we're meant to be together we will be. But if we're not, I honestly can't thik of myself with anyone else but him. He's so wonderful and I don't see how any guy could ever take his place.

tips or help, especially on if fate is real or a bunch of b/s
nick carter


glad to have finally become friends with the ex... don't get me wrong, at times it is so awkward, but he knows me better than anyone. we went through alot of the past year, but it think that all the hard times that we went through, will just make us have a stronger friendship!
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    grateful grateful


I have a question....

My friend Alex is going into the Navy, he's sent off to boot camp on the 19th. I want to be able to keep in touch with him. But we've only talked through internet and telephone.. and I feel awkward if I gave him my home address to write me letters. Is there some service I can use so we can send letters back and forth without giving our addresses while he's at boot camp?

I'd apperciate if anyone knows!

A Perfect Community For Muah!

This Journal is great! I have a kind long love story, but will try to keep it short but sweet.

I have been with my Man,Bryce, for going on four years. During the first year of our relationship, he got into a car accident that forced him to have Major Back Surgery otherwise his back would slowly but surely deteriate. So, we had the surgery. Not thinking about the outcome. He went in, and couldn't finish the Surgery. He lost a lot of blood, and his lungs even collappsed. Hardest thing you ever have to do is go into the hospital and have the doctor tell you that he's not going to make it. It killed me too. Their were days that he'd be lying in the hospital bed, and since he had lost so much weight. Weighting only around 105 pounds, I couldn't eat, sleep, NOTHING! Their were days that I'd just sit, and sit by his bedside. Hoping, and praying for the best. One day I remember walking and walking as I would sometimes do throughout the hospital. I just could'nt help myself, and started balling my eyes out, walking down the hospital hallways, I went and set down in a tiny corner overlooking the parking lot. Next thing, a guy came over and sat down next to me, I couldn't help myself and spilled everything. How hurt I was, how scared I was, how much I loved him, and was so scared that I would lose him. I remember the guy holding me rubbing my back, telling me over and over "he's strong Monica, he'll be o-kay tell him you love him, and he'll see his way through it." When I looked back up to thank the guy .... HE WAS GONE! I thought that in that time that I was wipeing my face, that maybe he turned the corner, so I got up looked around me, and looked and looked. Couldin't find him. Asked the closest Recptionist if she knew where the gentlemen was that was sitting right beside me, and she told me that she didn't see anyone sitting beside me. I'VE NEVER BEEN SO SCARED IN MY LIFE! A year before that had happend, my Uncle Fernie, died. Kind of sudden, and he's helped my family in so many ways, and I beleive in my heart that he helped me that day. Because, after that I went in and told Bryce how much I loved him. Went home. THe next day Bryce, was up eating and wanting to go for a walk in the court yard. Ever since, then bryce has made a remarkable recovery. He is so strong, and so is our relationship.

I took our love for granted. I did. I never thought that a thing like that could happen, but it can.

He's okay now, still in pain a lot, but he's walking, talking, eating! More importantly he's here with me. Where we are meant to be together i know now, for the rest of our lives!


Love Always,


I hope to bring a sense of love, to this community, and some good advice on life just being way too short!

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    "Watch The Wind Blow By" Tim McGraw

Time to let go

I let go....

I told Alex that I can't wait for him... and I cant be with him. It hurts too much to know what he did to me. I finally gave up after a week of waiting to hear from him to see if we could fix everything. But we can't. I lost respect for him as a person after he told me he cheated on me. It still mind boggles me... is all guys think with is thier dicks? Is love just not enough? Maybe I just need someone who is here... not across the country. I need to held and able to look at someone in the eyes. So hopefully one day I will find a guy. I hope I find someone who makes me feel loved and appericated. Hey...maybe thats what college will be for!

Although I find it quite amusing that after Im all heart-broken my friend Nick offers me the whole friends with benefits deal. I doubt I'll take the offer but still makes me laugh to think about it!

I just wish love were easier....

(no subject)

o got my vow out of the way so now its time for thew real stuff. anthony said he moght have a question for me before summer is out. im scared though cuz i dont want him to be interested by other girls while were in school since y know we go to different schools. but i will be really happy at the same time. so im hopin to talk to him tomarrow, i cant wait to hear his voice, it makes me sooo happy and bouncy. kinda giddy.
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    automatic girl-lola ray


hey every1. im making a vow to you guys that i cannot cut myself for at least a month. i kno you think im crazee and your gonna tell me to stop but its not that easy. i cant just stop and let go. thats why im making a start with a month and if i fail well at least i tried. if theres any1 here that wants to support please do. i need all the help from every1.love britt
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    lola ray-what it feels like

Our Story

We were only 16. I watched him pass me by the hallways every morning and wonder if he noticed me. By chance we happened to get the same class that year. Math! I hated that class, he was my only reason for going. Then one day I noticed the sparkle in his eyes when he looked at me. Then being the fool that I was, I let all my insecurities get the best of me. The fear of getting hurt took over and I pushed him away. Always keeping him close enough to have in my life but far enough to not get hurt. The game continued on for many years. We hurt each other badly yet we couldn't stay away, couldn't give each other up. Life took me away unexpectedly at the height of our best times, when we began to sort our love out and gave ourselves to each other completely, but I had to leave there was no way out of it. We stayed in touch until the miscommunication took over and I could no longer hold on to him, I would not let myself hold him back. So we both moved on. Moved on to different places and different faces. Still there remained a thin string that he had attached to my heart that would not snap, break or tear, it would just tug at me at random moments never letting me forget him. We remained friends through out those years, always at arms length never quite able to see each other in person. Too many emotions would engulf the both of us and his new relationship would strain under the pressure of our friendship. The decision was made to not talk at all. We said our goodbyes the best we could and spent a year without a single form of contact. I took a deep breath and decided to wait, the time would come again for us but now was not that time. Then fate stepped in. It decided to put us at the same place at the same time and give us one more chance. He was caught between the two of us. The choice had to be made again. I stepped back and I made no promises. All I asked for was for him not to regret his decision whatever it was. Now here we are seven months later in a new relationship. We've loved each other like never before and hurt each other the same. Yet we can't be apart. Here we are going strong, no more games. So where do we go from here? We are now 22, our adult lives are beginning. Is the next natural step marriage? Is it wise to break up for the sake of seeing where we really stand? We both seem to want the break but are too afraid to take it. Too afraid of loosing each other and having to struggle to get back what we now have. We have been through so much this past year. So much drama so much happiness and so much sadness. How do we move on from here? Is this a natural occurrence in all relationships. We've gone through all the hurdles and supported each other through so much. So many years have gone into bringing us to this point. We are happy yet there's that feeling of needing time apart. Is that normal? Has it been too much for the both of us? Should we take our break?
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    confused confused

love and its pain

love has never been a very eventful thing for me. although im only 15 i look for it because it would me i could be happy about something in my uneventful and depressing life. i fell in love with a boy two years ago when i first laid eyes on him. his name was larry. he was new in school and i made it a point to talk with him. i left my phone number on his binder and to my surprise he called me later that day. we talked and then everyday after that we talked on the phone for hours each day. it was sooo great. he was my best friend until my freshman year(his 8th grade year) when he finally asked me out. i didnt want to ruin the friendship but i said yes anyways. it was great i loved him. i can still feel his arms around me. he hated this but i loved it. i used to call him lare-bare. i miss him soo much. he got caught dealing drugs on school campus and was forced to finish school there but then he was expelled. he dumped me because he ws jealous of me talking to other guys and because he was moving. we had never done anything sexual except make out and i think thats why we worked so well together. then he waws gonna ask me back out so he could get more sexual things from me but then changed his mind. i was so sad and hurt. i couldnt beleive it. and since then i have been wary of other men. i have dated many after hom but they all hurt me sooo bad. especially a guy i went to school with. the hottest trumpet player i have ever seen. i liked him but my feeling for him soared after we spent 3 days in close contact because our school band went to san francisco to do a concert and hang out at an amusment park. i told him my feelings and i kept seeing him more. he gave me a ride in his bronco into eugene to see a girl who we were both close friends with perform in her school concert. we talked and he tod me he knew my secret but wasnt sure how he felt about me. i left it at that for the night. then about a month later him and his friend came over to this girls house i was staying at and i ended up losing my virginity to him on her sisters bed.him and josh came over later that night and we finished what we started. see earlier we almost got caught but we all escaped out the back door. then he was threw with me. i was so hurt. i have cut myself for this and i cant beleive that i could have fallen for him. i hate myself for it. but there is someone new and extrodenary. his name is anthony and we have been friends since febuary. im hoping one day we can be an item becase hes great with everything. i love his voice and charming personality. even though i still love larry deep down in my heart i know theres room for another guy who can make me happy now, its just i gotta find him. and i cant wait untill he shows up, cuz i desperatly need someone to care for me.
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    lola ray